Reader matter:
we found a man online which lives 500 miles out. He’s 34 and I’m 53. The guy did let me know he had a woman the guy dated “locally” and therefore he was simply on the website interested in friends. 3 months later we discovered there is feelings for every various other.
At the same time, he still suggests he’s having issues together with his sweetheart, who is not some body he is “dating” locally. He is coping with her and’ve been with each other for four years.
At long last chose we had to generally meet cougar to find out if it was really worth following. The guy gave me the primary reason he failed to believe it actually was right to do it as he had been together. At long last gave him an ultimatum and told him i really couldn’t play next fiddle. He professed his love but mentioned he was really puzzled.
Would I offer him ultimatum, its this lady or myself? Have always been I wrong to ask him to produce that decision?
-Nancy (Fl)
Dr Wendy Walsh’s Response:
Oh Nancy, Nancy, Nancy! You penned if you ask me for honesty, correct? Well, have you been relaxing? Because here arrives a honey cooking pot of fact.
You are staying in fantasy land, my dear girl. You’ve not also found this person whom may end up being a person and just who may or may not have a girlfriend.
I highly suggest you notice the documentary “Catfish” (available on iTunes and Netflix) about an internet really love fraud.
But even though you cannot do this, let`s say for a moment he’s actually exactly who he states they are and overlook the reality he began creating for you by sleeping about his connection position.
Why don’t we simply glance at the so-called realities.
A.) He’s nearly two decades younger than you.
B.) He’s in a significant relationship.
C.) The guy said right from the start he’s only seeking to be pals.
So I ask you, exactly why are you willing to risk the cardiovascular system on this type of a terrible bet?
Practical question shouldn’t be about offering him an ultimatum, but instead, in case you allow yourself the really love you have earned?
If that’s the case, subsequently it is not the pony you ought to drive inside sundown with. Manage, girl!
No counseling or psychotherapy guidance: The Site cannot provide psychotherapy information. This site is intended mainly for usage by consumers looking for common info of interest with respect to problems folks may face as people along with relationships and associated topics. Content isn’t meant to replace or serve as substitute for expert consultation or solution. Contained findings and views really should not be misunderstood as particular guidance information.